Pity Party ...

Sad, I know, but I have spent the morning wallowing in my very own pity party! My doctor has told me that I have to cut back/eliminate the things in my routine of life that cause stress on my lungs, rib area, chest because until I do that the inflammation that is there that has caused the chest pains, burning and soreness will not subside or heal. Therefore, I had to cut one of the things I love to do the most ... SING!! The last couple of months have been very telling ... the days/nights that I sing or have rehearsals for the praise teams that I am on and for choir, are the times that I hurt and experience the most discomfort.

I didn't want to admit that singing was one of the causes, but it is. How does one give up willingly something that is so important to them? It is not easy, I can tell you.

My hubby, who is very protective of me and my health, reminded me yesterday after I worked and after I went to the grocery story pushing a stupid grocery cart full of groceries around and being in much pain afterwards that I over did it because I was feeling better.

He then said, "and you told Thornton (our worship leader/music minister) that you aren't singing the rest of this month, right?" I didn't answer at first, which he knew meant I hadn't. I said, "I already practiced and thought I could do one more Sunday. I'll be out of town the following week, anyway, for work." That was not the answer he was looking for. I realized in looking at the concern in his eyes that he was right. I had to give it up for a while. So, I have been wallowing in my own self-pity since yesterday evening. I am grouchy and frustrated, and didn't even go to church today ... at all. I stayed home to pout instead! Shame on me. I know that noone is taking this away from me to punish or to be mean, but to help me feel better. Hopefully, it will heal soon!

In the meantime, a good friend told me that God may be trying to teach me patience, or better-yet, self-discipline. I am guessing it is the latter, especially. I have much on my plate that I need to complete ... things I have started over the years with much enthusiasm and excitement, but that remain undone.

What she didn't know when she made that comments is that in the last two weeks or so I have asked God to help me prioritize the things on my over-scheduled calendar ... to remove the things that are in the way of me getting done the things He wants me to do, and to add the things, if there are any, that are needed to accomplish the plans He has set for me. I may not like what He does as he rearranges my schedule, but I realize that He knows what is best, and I am trying to not just hear, but to actually listen and do!!

OK, I'm done with my pity party ... it's time to get focused ... time to find the discipline ... time to prioritize life, complete projects ... move into the right direction ... starting NOW!!

Forging ahead!
Lisa